So real quick, an update to the weekend…

secret mission - added a couple for each kid…I REALLY need to work on this. =/

chores done yesterday - laundry and grocery shopping. Spent a fortune in part due to buying stuff to de-tick the house/yard/car/pets/etc. The drain from the washer got looked at…salt, vinegar, and Drano all tried. Also vent on roof checked (???!) Still no luck. No idea what’s next.

family play time - about 8:30 we finally sat down to teach canasta to the kids. Played one demo hand (everyone looked at everyone’s hands), then one regular. Didn’t finish the game as that require 20,000 and neither team broke even half that. (Each game typically consists of several hands) Currently the boys are ahead, but we girls intend to fix that next weekend!

Today was church for the kids and I. Daddy got called in to work overtime today from 2-10pm. Between church services, I did a little work in the master bedroom. I cleared off a dresser top and moved a couple of media cabinets. A little more walking room in there, and a lot more ‘clean’ look. Gonna go change sheets now and climb in bed. Night!!

Posted: March 30th, 2008 under just life.
Comments: none

Sunday School we learned about stewardship and tithing and how it is a picture of Jesus’ return (after the Resurrection, He took the firstfruits to Heaven, we are the main crop and those who will be saved in the Tribulation are the gleanings, just like the bible teaches for us to tithe the firstfruits to God, then leave the gleanings for those who are poorer than us…in other words harvest your main crop, but don’t go back and be nitpicky about picking up every last grain or penny…leave it for the poor to harvest).

I just thought I’d throw that out because I’d never looked at it that way before, and I thought it was really neat. Also I learned that if you are tithing off the $$ your husband is making, it better be with his permission, because if you’re sneaking it, you’re stealing. OOPS! Boy am I glad that Jesus forgives all sins, even the ignorant ones (ones we do not knowing we’re sinning)! I did that!!

I’d wanted to tithe for years (really, call me weird, but there ya have it…I just knew God would bless if I did, I don’t know how I knew, but I did…me thinks it must’ve been the Holy Spirit livin’ inside-a me!), but since I didn’t have a church, I didn’t know how to “give 10% to God”. I was so happy when I found a church home, I was excited to start tithing, but since Mike didn’t go, I was afraid he might get upset, so I found ways to “tithe” without him finding out. Since I was handling the budget it wasn’t too difficult.

Some weeks it was as simple as my brother giving me $$ in cash and asking me to write him a check to pay his bills. I’d take the cash, write the check to pay his bills, then I’d use the CASH to put our tithe into the offering plate on Sunday morning. Other times I’d buy stuff for the kids at church (like candy or treats for Sunday School prizes or whatever) that cost as much as the 10% would be and considered that our tithe. I remember once I rationalized that paying for Meagan to go to church camp was our tithe. All kinds of things. None were right, though I totally had no idea at the time.

Soon, the cash wasn’t coming in from my brother anymore, because he had his own checking account now and so was writing his own checks. I realized I wasn’t trusting that God would take care of things in regards to Mike getting upset or not. What I mean is, I knew the bible taught tithing, I knew God wants us to tithe, and I wanted to obey, so I wanted to tithe. I was worried that if Mike got upset and said no, I might get in trouble with God because I wasn’t obeying by tithing. So I decided that just like worrying about Mike causin’ a fuss about us going to church at all, I needed to just trust that God would take care of things so that I could tithe. I needed to quit hidin’ it from Mike. I didn’t plan to make a big deal about it and announce it, but I’d start writing checks for the tithe and if he did ever notice and ask, I’d tell him what it was.

That went on for a few months, but something still didn’t seem right. I was tithing…with a check so there was a record in the checkbook register which I left in the same place as I had for years, so it was completely available for him to see…but it still didn’t seem right somehow. I was still worried he’d get upset, for one.

A little later, a woman at church said something that somehow made me think that maybe something was ‘off’. I don’t remember exactly the conversation, but it was something like her asking if Mike was telling me not to tithe or was stopping me from doing it. She never said anything about that would be wrong or right or whether it was wrong or right to tithe or anything other than asking me that and saying that we were supposed to tithe 10% of the gross. Somehow just the fact that she asked me whether he was telling me not to made me wonder WHY she asked me that. I figured there must be a reason, but the actual conversation at the time was not tithing, so I didn’t ask. I did, however, learn tithing was supposed to come off the gross, not the net, so I re-figured our tithe based on that.

The very fact that my friend had asked if Mike was telling me not to tithe, not the question or answer, but just the fact that she’d asked, kept buggin’ me. I figured there must be some reason for her to ask. Slowly it dawned on me. It dawned on me that I needed to be sure Mike knew we were tithing. Actually point it out, that way I wasn’t hiding anything from him even by accident. So, one day, when the subject of tithing came up, I asked him his thoughts, and his comment was that he didn’t know whether we could afford to or not. I replied that we had been for a few months, and also apologized that I’d done so without asking him. I told him I should have asked him first, and also pointed out that we hadn’t gone broke from it. I also told him I’d like to tithe, and asked if we could keep doing so. He said yes! I don’t know if he would have or not had I not been tithing already, BUT that doesn’t excuse my SIN of tithing without his permission. I just didn’t see it as such, then. I just knew I felt better having it in the open and his ok. (It was around this time I relinquished the budget over to him, as well. I don’t remember which came first, but when he asked for the bills to take over I fussed a minute, then remembered I was supposed to be letting him be in charge, and so handed everything over.)

Today, I learned that not only is it OK… for the wife that is in church, but her hubby is not, and he earns the money not her… to not tithe, I also learned that it is wrong for her to do so without hubby’s permission. Two things. I learned I was wrong for tithing all those months. Actually in a sense I’d already figured that out…since I’d figured out I should’ve asked first…I just didn’t look at it as his money, and so therefore I should’ve asked, I looked at it as he’s in charge and so I should’ve asked. I also learned that it was ok to not tithe. What I mean is, there was a long while that aside from worrying about tithing because God says to and I want to obey and if I can’t I’ll be upset and maybe in trouble with God, I also was worried about the pastor and others in church thinking I was wrong and selfish and greedy and had no right to come to church if I didn’t tithe, so I worried about that, too. I learned today that GOD says I shouldn’t tithe off of my husband’s $$ without his permission (because actually I can’t…he has to, if I take it, it is just stealing) and so I would’ve been ok with Him to not tithe, AND I would’ve been ok with the pastor and the others at church, also, and have every right to go to church because I’d have been obeying. I didn’t have to tithe off Mike’s $$ to obey, because I can’t. He has to. I never really saw that until today.

And so these final thoughts:

• If you go to church, but your hubby does not…if YOU earn (or are given) money, tithe off of what YOU earn (or are given). Don’t worry about tithing off your hubby’s income. It’s not your place, responsibility, or worry. Don’t do it. It’s stealing.

• Thank God for His wonderful mercy and forgiveness. I’m not going to stew on this anymore because, although I was wrong and sinned by stealing from my husband in ignorance, Jesus has paid for those sins and has forgiven me. I thank God that Jesus was the sacrifice for ignorant sins as well as those we do intentionally.

• I’m also not going to worry about the upcoming missions conference where we will be renewing our faith promises. I’d kinda been worrying because a little while ago Mike mentioned all the $$ going to the church each week. I reminded him it was tithing and a certain amount each month for faith promise, and that that amount was equal to the amount I used to spend on cigarettes for myself. He hasn’t said anything else, but I’ve been kind of worried about him telling me to quit giving the money. I’ve been scared of what would happen in terms of church and being in trouble with God and so forth (like I explained above) if he does tell me to quit giving that. I’m not going to worry anymore, and if he does tell me to quit, I will, and I’ll know then, that I am obeying… not disobeying, as I was scared I would be. I’ll also know what to say if anyone at church does think ill of me for it, or says something about it, and I’ll know that it really doesn’t matter what they think or say, anyway. God says I’m obeying by obeying Mike, and that’s who I’m trying to obey. Not them. I’d rather please God than man.

Posted: March 30th, 2008 under faith, lettin' hubby lead, mildly "article-ish", the changing me.
Comments: none

So the jar was pre-decorated, so I haven’t done anything else to it, because sometimes I’m lazy and procrastinatey like that. So sue me. haha And also? I only have a few slips of paper done up and in there. Why? Simply put…we need practice.

I need practice at recognizing the good, and they need practice doing it. I know they don’t do much spontaneously good (like helping each other with chores kind of thing), out of habit, but it’s also true they’re doing more good (like playing nicely together kind of thing) than I give them credit for, out of habit. So it’s practice all around that is needed to start really filling that jar. That means, of course, it’s going to take a few days to get it plump enough that their curiosity is peaked, since I’m not going to SAY anything. As with most things, Mom’s gotta practice and get good at something before they can.

So that’s my secret mission for the day. In other plans… =)

We’re going to attempt a work/play day today. Mike and Matthew are going to work on some projects around the house (not sure which ones, as we had different ideas about what needs doin’ first…), and Meagan and I are on laundry and grocery duty.

Laundry around here means loading up and going to the laundromat to wash, then home to dry. I have a washer, but it has not drained properly for about as many years as I’ve had it, that would be all of Matthew’s life span. It’s not the washer, though, it’s the plumbing. Something is amiss and we’ve yet to figure out what.  For the first several years the solution was to hang the drain pipe out the laundry room window and let it run outside. That worked fine in regards to being able to wash clothes normally, BUT it made a major disaster out of the ground, the side of the house, and the foundation (pier and beam, this house is O L D). About 3 (?) years ago, my mom decided the thing to do would be to put a 55 gallon drum under the window and run it into that. We did that for a couple of years, but it sure slowed the washing clothes down, since we had to manually empty the drum with a 5 gallon bucket (onto the garden and backyard) between every load. For reasons I’m hoping to verify soon, it got to where I could not do this anymore, and getting my teenage brothers or my dad or even Mike to do it was next to impossible. This left Mom to do it. I hated that! =(

Well, somewhere in the middle of caring for Dad during his colon cancer days (fully recovered now, praise the Lord!) we decided trying to take care of everything was just NOT working and one of the things we let go of was the stupid laundry barrel. We started hauling the laundry to the laundromat once a week, reminiscent of my high school days, when we were hauling laundry for 10. Now it was only 8, but it seemed the laundry was just as abundant. Around 30 loads a week.

So that’s where I am now. I haul the laundry, wash it, then bring it home and dry it over the course of the day and sometimes into the next. It’s actually working out pretty well, BUT Mike is anxious to try and tackle the plumbing and get the drain to working finally. YEA!!! This is where the different ideas come in. I would LOVE the washer to drain right, but I’d kinda like to do that next week and do these this week…

• treat house/yard/dogs for ticks
• get the half of the cubbies we do have painted re-installed in Matt’s closet
• get the tack board and staples pulled out of the back hall so I can mop and move furniture back
• get Meagan’s IKEA lamp installed

So I don’t know what the guys are gonna be doing, but we’ll be doing laundry and shopping. I’m gonna buy a bathroom scale, because guys? I’m so seriously considering trying to shed some of this extra weight I’ve gained this last year. I may not be able to do much on my own without fixing underlying probs with the doc, but I’m SO itching to try. I haven’t willingly gotten on a scale since high school, so this is kind of a big thing. I’m more than a little scared. Last time I tried losing weight I went all OCD and quit eating totally for 3mo. Orange juice, apple cider vinegar, and diet pills were my only sustenance. Needless to say it didn’t end well. Only through God’s grace did I manage to come out of it with only a several hours long ER trip and some big ol’ bruises from the needle-sticks and chest massages to get my heart goin’ again!

Anyway! =) After all this work, then comes the play. I’m thinking the kids are old enough to learn their grandparents (Mike’s parents) favorite ‘get-together-with-friends-for-an-evening-of-fun’ game….Canasta. Family game time!! Too cool! Something I’ve been trying to figure out how to get Mike willingly involved in for awhile. Me thinks this just might do it!

Posted: March 29th, 2008 under just life, kids, lettin' hubby lead, the changing me.
Comments: none

Ok, this may prove to be another of those good ideas that never really takes off, BUT I am really thinking I am going to try this, along with some other techniques found on their site. I have already gotten Matthew started with their book reports. Oh does this website ever speak of a blessing straight from my best friend, Jesus, today! =) Thank You, Lord, for leading me to this:

Faithful Servant Jar - basically catching the kids doing good things, writing them down with scripture references, then after the curiosity has peaked…sharing.

I think I will wait to start the bean jar for bad behaviors until after we have some good stocked up. Both kids are a little deflated at the moment because they’ve had a rough couple of days behavior-wise. They have charts on which I’m giving out stickers for specific things and poor Matt’s was nearly empty yesterday and the day before. Meagan’s isn’t looking much better. I won’t get rid of the charts, as they are an “in-your-face” kind of reminder of what they need to take care of or work on each day, but these good/bad jars will make a great supplement. Something a little more tangible, and perhaps I can have a little more concrete way of knowing at what point to punish or reward, as well.

I will try to get the jar decorated tonight after they go to bed, so that the mystery will be kept intact until time to reveal what it is I’m doing with all those slips of paper. I’m also thinking I may need to pre-cut slips of paper, study the ideas for things to catch them doing, and perhaps fashion a pocket apron of some sort so that I will have paper and pencil ready immediately thereby eliminating my procrastinatin’ excuses of “I don’t have paper handy…I’ll remember and write it down later” because the truth is? I won’t remember.

Posted: March 26th, 2008 under just life, kids.
Comments: none

~~This really was posted last night, but I made a boo-boo and posted it as a page instead of a post. Oops!~~

Tonight’s dinner for hubby and kids:

• Oven-fried chicken
• Red Potato Salad
• Corn on the cob
• Peas

Tonight’s dinner for me:

• Hard as a rock chicken
• Red Potato Salad, cold version
• Corn petrified to the cob

I had a ladies meeting at church to go to at 7pm. I got started fixing dinner on time at 2:30pm, but was delayed while I went to Wal-Mart, so ended up an hour behind. I plopped everything on the not-cleared-off table as soon as it was finished at 6:50pm and headed out the door. I even forgot my bible. It’s been one of those days.

After 2 really good weeks, Matthew had an all-out fit last night, followed by another this morning. I barely managed to grab a shower while the chicken was in the oven. I did manage to the monkey toy finished for the new baby at church, at least. Oh, and I found a really cute ceramic red cross with hearts and “God is love” on it for $3 at the dollar store. (I’d take a picture, but at the moment getting photos uploaded is a pain. I need to go figure out the new puter…that should make things easier) I love it! It’s hanging in my living room up against those purdy blue walls.

Yesterday was one of those days, too, actually. Matthew wasn’t the only one who had a fit yesterday. So did Meagan. I guess I did, too, in a sense.

Meagan had an orthodontist appointment yesterday and got another C for brushing. That makes 3 in a row, after a D. On top of that, both bands were loose and had to be reseated. According to the ortho that never happens after only 6mo, so she had to be jiggling the headband thing up and down to get it out. All in all, I got the feeling he thought I was the absolute worst mom ever at controlling my kids dental habits. Certainly the worst in his practice. He’s talking about taking all her stuff off and calling it quits because she does such a lousy job at brushing. That would mean, of course, being just plain out the $3,000…no fixed teeth/jaw. Just pay for the privilege of being humiliated. Plus we’d get to pay again later on as a teen to get the work done, only then it would likely require oral surgery. Great!

Here’s the thing though, she’s 10. I’m not going to brush them for her. I make her brush them. YES, I send her back if they’re not clean. Yes, I make her brush. I’m not with her at lunch, and most mornings lately I’m not awake before she leaves for school, either, so the only time I can say for sure she is brushing is at night, and YES I make her do it then. Every night. I also watch her put her headgear on nearly every night, and she does NOT move it up and down (which is the no-no that she must be doing for those bands to be loose…). She does it properly, every time. Now the take-off? I don’t know. She has it off before I see her. I have seen her take it off, and when I’ve seen it, she does it properly. She says she still is.

So why is it this is such a huge issue? Why am I the awfullest mom? No, he hasn’t said that, but I totally get the idea he’s thinking it. I don’t know, maybe not, but I’m definitely not comfortable in there. He keeps saying it’s a control thing and she gets more attention this way. Umm, ok, maybe so but unless HE is going to come control her for me….ya know? Plus she totally does not like the attention she’s getting this way. Truly. She gets more (like goodies like shopping trips and ice cream trips and stuff) when she does good. The difference is striking enough she totally knows there is one. So the more attention thing? Only in so far as she gets more chewing-outs.

What else can I do? I don’t know. I’m on her case all the time to brush, brush better, floss, etc. ALL the time. I just don’t know what else to do. She is brushing, just not well, and it’s a fight every night to get her to go back and try again. As for now, she’s grounded. Also she’s been told that she must do the 30sec mouthwash, 2min brush, spiral brush, floss, 30sec mouthwash, precisely the way I’ve shown her (again!) every morning and every night or she will get a spanking every time.

So, yeah. Been a couple of those days in a row. Fun, fun.

Posted: March 26th, 2008 under Meagan, just life, kids.
Comments: none

So the other night I was going to try a new recipe for grilled pineapple, and then I realized…I don’t have a grill! So I quickly thought of all the times I’ve roasted marshmallows over my gas stovetop (because it’s easier than packing the kids and all the gear and going out to the boondocks to build a campfire). Why couldn’t I do that with the pineapple, I thought. So I did. And then it hit me. Hey! I could post this as a Works-For-Me-Wednesday post…if I can remember to do it. So I am. =) Here ya go…

To make a grill inside without a grill you will need:

• gas stovetop
• broiler pan

That’s it. Really. What I did was this: I took the two left-hand side grates and stacked them on the right-hand side ones. Then I put the broiler pan on top. To be sure it was not the steadiest thing in the world, but if you’re reasonably careful and don’t get super excited with your turning-things-over-on-the-grill technique, it should be fine.

With the broiler pan perched on top of my double-high grates, I could turn the two burners on to high and the flames would not touch the bottom of the pan. True, the heat is not just real even, but hey, this isn’t a hundreds of dollars model, either!

As for the pineapple… I sprayed some butter-flavored nonstick spray on the broiler pan, then turned up the heat. When it was hot, I laid the slices of pineapple on top and grilled them for a few minutes on each side. Not only did this work, it worked well. The broiler pan I have has raised lines (I’m too stupid to know if all broiler pans do or not…), and I was surprised to find that not only did the pineapple heat, but it came out with the browned ‘grillmarks’ too! Too cool!

Works for me!

Posted: March 26th, 2008 under just life.
Comments: 2

The following was taken from a FLYlady email I received today. It was said to be a forward, so I, too am forwarding it…to you. It’s not FLYlady original content, since it was forwarded, and I would post who the author is in order to give credit where it is due, but I simply do not know who the author is. Anyway. This is really good, and it was a blessing to me to read it today. It’s a good reminder that God is good ALL the time, even when we’re struggling. It was an encouragement for me to hear this. I hope it is to you, as well.

“A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening
appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it
struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed
to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far
as it could,and it could go no further.

So to help the butterfly

he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the
cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body
and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly
because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and
expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of it’s life
crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that
the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to
get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the
body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for
flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometime
struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to
go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We
would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

Remember…what we struggle with makes us strong!”

Posted: March 24th, 2008 under FLYing, faith.
Comments: none

Wednesday night’s sermon was on Worship and Prayer. Now wait a minute before you run off. You will want to read this. Truly. I promise I won’t be recapping a sermon, but this definitely needs to be set up to make sense. I know I’ve already written one post on this and talked about how it struck chords with me. I also talked about what took place after the sermon. I’d like to give a mini-update on that, as well as tell you more about what happened during the sermon and what the Lord has done since.

First the mini-update: Saturday- not only did he do well I noticed something new and while I didn’t get a chance to mention it to him immediately, I did manage to commend him on it a little later. He had been messing with a trash-can cart in the front yard and Mike hollered at him to put it down and leave it alone. He did and then stormed off. Mike hollered at him to get back there and Matthew kept going. I reminded him from the sidelines, “no running off, son, remember?”, and the next time Mike said “Come back here”… he did! He walked right back, no slamming of anything down on the ground, no yelling, nothing. He just walked right back and listened while Mike explained that the cart was made of a lightweight metal and could break if Matt stood on it like he had been. I told him later that I noticed and he said Daddy didn’t. Poor kid, he so wants Daddy to notice.

Ok. So that’s the Matthew update…now for the BIG story…

So Wednesday’s sermon was on worship and prayer. One thing the pastor preached on was how oftentimes we don’t pray big enough. We tend to get lackadaisical about our prayers or we tend to think, “nah, I can’t pray for that, God wouldn’t answer that, it’s too much” or “that’s the kind of thing preachers pray for not everyday people, God wouldn’t answer mine” or any number of other excuses we have for not praying big. Thing is God is GOD. He can do anything He wants to. Big is relative. It might seem big to us, but it’s so very, very simple for God. The pastor offered a challenge to us that night. He challenged us to pray bigger prayers.

Well, somewhere along the way during the sermon, I felt like the Lord was reminding me that I had quit praying about something in particular. I had thought that the reason I had quit praying for it must have been because I was certain the Lord would answer it. And while that might have been partially true, the bigger truth was that I simply quit. That is I had gotten lazy about it, maybe discouraged a little because I’d prayed a few times last summer and nothing seemed to happen, and maybe even a little on the “that kind of thing is for preachers…God doesn’t do that for everyday people”, so I quit. Not smart, I know, but then I don’t remember claiming I was smart about God’s ways…just that I was trying to learn.

Sometime during the sermon I also felt like the Lord wanted this to be a family prayer. What I mean is at some point I had the thought, “I should get the kids praying, too”. I’m certain this was in part because of something I heard the pastor mention a little while back about how it was good for the kids to see God answering prayers for the family. I “got” that message at the time, and had been kinda stewing on it for awhile. Some point during Wednesday’s sermon it clicked that this was the kind of thing the Lord meant by that.

So during the invitation, I leaned over and whispered to Matthew (all the time thinking/wishing Meagan was sitting with me so we could all go down together), “Do you want to go down and pray with me?”

“No”, he replied. (Getting this kid to move out of the pew is HARD. I’ve only managed it once thus far. At the same time he totally panics and hangs onto my arm if I try to go down to pray by myself. I haven’t actually tried DRAGGING him yet, but maybe I should…)

“I thought we’d go down and pray for a new van”, I told him.

His jaw dropped and his eyes got HUGE. He gasped and then said “REALLY?!”

I nodded. He was gonna go! So I started to head out of our pew (we sit on the third row, so it’s not like we have far to go). Just at that moment someone knelt down at the pew in the walkway at the pew in front of us. (The altar was PACKED! God was absolutely meeting with us that night!) So Matt and I decided to pray there. I was going to say a prayer out loud, and asked Matt if he was ready and he said he was already praying.

“I was” he said, “I already told Him about the transmission…”

Little man had his eyes closed, standing there, praying…without me prompting! =) I said my own prayer then. We were praying together…just separately. About that time I saw someone start to trip over the one knelt at the pew in front of us. I looked up just a teensy bit and recognized…Meagan! “Great, she went down and we didn’t“, I thought. “How’s that gonna look to everyone?”

As we got in the van that night and started backing out of our oil-ridden spot, I told Meagan again how I wished she’d sit with us. That I’d wanted us all to go to the altar together, but I couldn’t get ahold of her since she wasn’t with us. “I went down” she said.

“I know, but we were all going to go down together. Instead Matthew and I were there in the pew praying for a new van.”

“I was praying for a new van, too.” Chill bumps begin now.

Later, at bedtime, the kids and I recapped the event sotospeak. We talked about how God knew we needed a new van, and so He would provide for us. We talked about what we prayed for and (on my end) what we should pray for. I’ll admit right here and now that I wasn’t thinking/looking at this through the eyes of a totally trusting child. Meagan prayed for a van like (another mom at church)…with 2 sliding doors and captain chairs. Matthew prayed for a new van. I told them that we should not worry so much about things like that, that the important things were that it would be reliable, something I’d feel comfortable driving (since I’d be driving it most of the time), something safe, and that wouldn’t cost a whole bunch to maintain. I also reminded them that the Lord knew we were going to need a new van before we did, and already had the perfect one picked out for us, and so we should pray that He’d help us…help DADDY…to find the right one. The one that the Lord had in mind for us. I also reminded them that we would need to just keep P.U.S.H.ing (Praying Until Something Happened) because since it was something we needed and God wants to provide for us, we could be sure He would eventually. The kids came up with comments like these:

“One that we don’t have to worry about breaking down all the time.”

“And one with a DVD player and headphones so we can watch movies.”

“Our van might not even be made yet!”

I shared most of this with Mike later that night. While sharing, I told him that I was getting the idea that the Lord didn’t want us to worry about getting a new van. I shared a story or two I’d heard of people having needs and the Lord answering their prayers super quick and/or in time with $$ to meet them or with the item itself. I told him that I didn’t know if God meant He was just going to hand us a van over or what, but that I totally did get the idea we weren’t supposed to worry. I even suggested that I thought it would be good for the kids if we included a new van in the prayer at mealtimes. I told him I thought it would probably be good for the kids to hear Daddy praying for one, too.

Then I was sure to add also (lest he think I was trying to tell him what to do…like “quit looking for a van” or “pray this in front of the kids”) that he was in charge of the decision-making, so it was totally up to him. We’d do things however he decided, but I had just wanted to share what I felt like the Lord was telling me…“don’t worry, I’ve got it taken care of”.

After that I didn’t do much of anything in terms of talking about prayer with Mike. I do NOT want to overstep my bounds. (I’m trying to do my part to get things in line with God’s plan, remember? And that means Mike at the head of the family. Period.) Sooo, the next couple of days were spent in much discussion about the upcoming spring break and the maybe vacation.

We’d kinda been planning a trip to Washington-on-the-Brazos for a couple of days. Mike had said a few weeks ago we’d have to rent a van, as mine just would not make it. No way. This week, though, we were talking and we came to the conclusion that perhaps the thing to do was to spend spring break looking for a new van. I was a little bummed about the no-trip thing, but it did make sense to postpone it in the hopes of not having to also rent a vehicle. Plus, since Mike was beginning to think maybe we’d look at dealers as opposed to individuals, we were going to need time to go look together over in the metroplex. So the plans started to take more of a shape of: look a little online at classified ads, or at the Kia website, then Mon-??? rent a car to go to the metroplex to shop around for a new van.

Neither of us knew any reputable used car dealers or knew a thing about the vehicle lines or about cars in general, really. So in brainstorming how to find a decent lot to look at, Mike asked me if I knew of any. (Ummm…not the most intelligent question, I have to say…I don’t know a thing about buying used cars from a lot as I never have and he knows it…haha) So I said no, of course, and then said I could probably ask (another mom at church) as I was pretty sure they’d just bought a new used car. (Turns out it was NEW new…shows how car dumb I am, huh?!) So I asked and got the name of where they got their car. So that was our tentative plan as of Friday evening…go check that place and however many more come Monday morning…in a rental.

Well, it’s Sunday night and I’m typing. Keep reading to find out why… =) This gets even better.

Saturday (yesterday!) morning I told the kids I’d pay them each $1 if they helped me scrub (by hand) the kitchen floor. So as we’re scrubbing, Mike is online looking at some van ads and van websites. He keeps calling me into the next room to look at this or that and the kids are thinking Mommy is ditching them to get out of work. HAHA Shortly, Mike announces he’s going to go out and check the 2 used car dealers we have here in town just because. He’d be back in a few minutes, he said.

And he was. Real quick, it seemed. He came in and dangled a key in front of me, and my heart jumped and I thought “Oh NO!”.

“Come out here. I want to see if you can drive this” (He’d asked earlier if a big car would do and I told him I guess, but I’m so short and have only ever driven a van and a van can haul more people and stuff and so no I guess probably a big car wouldn’t really work very well after all.)

“You, umm, you….surely….I mean….you didn’t just BUY one, did you?” I stammered. I was petrified he’d say yes…I mean I hadn’t even been with him, I hadn’t looked at anything. Nothing. If it’s gonna be mine, I wanna have a say (this was the control-monster rearing it’s ugly head…no really…it was totally a “I wanted to do it” thing).

“No, I’ve got one here for a test drive. I want to see if you think you can drive it.”

So I grabbed my purse (after the embarrassing early morning patrol stop where I was caught without my license on the way to drop Meagan off at school, I’ve been careful to ALWAYS grab my purse…even on teensy short trips!) and went outside in my water-soaked knees sweatpants to test drive something…I knew not what.

A shiny silver van sat in the driveway. Oook. I climbed in and it was brand new! Or at least it seemed that way. I was more than nervous, but buckled, and started out. I asked Mike where to go several times, because I get lost so easy and I was trying to focus on driving not figuring out where we were, and tried hard to listen to see if he answered over the overly-excited squeals of awe and wonder from the backseat bandits.

“This is so awesome!”

“Look, it’s got heaters.”

“And cupholders!”

“Sweet, look at this…”

It felt so very different from my van. It turned way tighter, the pedals responded way quicker, the ride was way smoother and quieter, the steering was way smoother and easier, everything just seemed softer and nicer somehow. I was scared I’d have big problems, as that is a fear I’ve had for YEARS….driving cars other than my own, because they’re different. I was surprised to find that while it was different, it wasn’t so different I couldn’t drive it. (I really was shocked…call me naive or dumb or whatever, but I really have not driven ANY other vehicle since I bought my van in 2002, and only one other vehicle -Mike’s ‘97 Cavalier…the one I learned in- before that… I have purposely avoided all other cars like the plague, petrified I wouldn’t be able to drive them somehow…I was sooo dreading having to re-learn with a different van!)

So back to the house. We popped the hood. The engine looked brand-new. Call me stupid, again, if you want, but it was CLEAN! I didn’t see tons of greasy, oily, gunk. In fact I could still read ALL of the writing on ALL of the bits and pieces. It didn’t even look dirty with dust. I don’t think I’ve even seen an engine like that before!

We came in the house and Mike starts talking about doing a CarFax on it to make sure it hasn’t been in a flood, and he really seems like he’s seriously considering actually, you know…BUYING this van. I notice little wisps of anticipation and excitement stirring. The heater problem I thought was there, after all, turned out to be separate climate controls…the kids had the heater on in the back and we had the A/C on in the front…oh-my-goodness-did-I-just-say-heater-and-A/C-in-the-same-sentence??? As in if we actually get this I would have a functioning heater again? AND have a functioning A/C? Oh-my-goodness!

But wait. He said it was used. A 2003. Right. So maybe you should have it looked over before deciding, I suggested. “You can do that, right? I mean, they’ll let you won’t they?” I asked.

So he took it to a mechanic friend of his (this man also goes to the same church the kids and I do) and had him look it over. Mechanic says brake pads in front might need replacing, otherwise looks good. GASP! Oh-my-goodness-oh-my-goodness!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have been looking online for reviews, ratings, etc on this van. I find good reports mostly. Higher than average ratings, and the negative I’m seeing is mostly to do with the power sliding doors no longer being power-capable….YES, you read that right!…and a ‘moldy sock’ smell from the A/C over time. Ummm, no way could it be as bad as the moldy mildew every time it rains from the old one, I thought. And besides I totally said I was going to let Mike lead the show on this, so quit picking….shut up, sit tight, and let the Lord work, I thought.

He tells me to have the kids clean out the old van and for me to find the title just in case and sit tight and he might be calling me to come up with the van and the kids in a little while if he decides to take it. I also went back online to see about running a CarFax for him. Clean, I reported, although there was a safety recall done on a power steering hose that shows to not be taken care of yet. Mike says good, that’s what we wanted to know there.

MAN were the kids ever pumped when they heard that! They cheerfully went right to work emptying the van while I did the CarFax thing. Especially since I told them I’d pay them to do it. (I found out later that Meagan was guessing I’d pay $50 for the job, and that Matthew guessed I’d probably only pay $25. I heard this after I’d offered $1 a piece…same as the kitchen floor. Still thinking big, those kids!)

I had kinda tried to not look at too much of the interior while test-driving, for more reasons than one. I hadn’t wanted to get my hopes up, for one thing. That sucker was just TOO NEW for me. TOO GOOD, ya know? Not my type. My type is more the ol’ clunker junker. Nothing working on it except the engine…barely. Trashed out seats, busted everything…no A/C, etc. However, even though I’d tried not to look, I had noticed a CD player in the radio.

That CD player was beckoning to me. =) Last summer when I’d first prayed for a new van, I’d told the Lord that I didn’t want to put any restrictions or whatever on Him when it came to what the van was like, but since I’d just had a conversation with a friend about my kids’ praise music and not being able to listen to them and her suggesting I listen in the car and I told her I couldn’t because they weren’t on CDs and besides I didn’t have a CD player in my car, she said, “ya know, God can give you one. You can pray for your wants, too.”….. I thought I’d add that I wasn’t necessarily asking outright if He didn’t want to do it, but it sure would be nice if my new van had a CD player, too…if that was ok…because I sure would like being able to listen to the kids’ praise in the van and after all, I HAD found a place to get them put on CDs about a year earlier, it would just cost about $30 a piece. And ya know? I kinda got the feeling that my new van just might!

So I was feeling all “oh-please…hush be patient… oh-Lord-could-it-be… be quiet no one has said he’s buying it… it-has-a-CD-player-Lord!-is-this-really-it?… oh how can it be it, dodo? this is too new and nice it probably costs a fortune you can’t make the payments you’ll go broke you knew you shouldn’t have let Mike handle it he’s gonna buy and then where will you be broke that’s where and besides how smart is it to buy the very first van you see that could be disastrous… it’s-so-nice-Lord-it’s-so-new-and-clean-and-it-has-all-its-seats-Lord”

I went and knelt down in the pantry and prayed again my prayer for wisdom and guidance for Mike…specifically with THIS van this time. I asked that if this wasn’t the van the Lord had in mind for us, that He please stop Mike from buying it by showing him somehow before he signed any papers, because it sure looked like that’s where he was headed…for the paper-signing.

Then Mike called again. I had to get explicit directions (I’m directionally challenged) on how to get to the dealership. I loaded up the kids and we headed out. I pulled out of the driveway and called Mike back to ask if I’d have enough gas to get there. My gas light had been on for two days. He’d said he’d re-fuel for me Friday, but then he forgot. He said I should be fine but if I was scared, I could stop and get a gallon.

I didn’t stop because I was worried I might have difficulties getting back on the right road in the right direction and also? I don’t like pumping gas. At all. Ever. Or going in and paying for it, and that’s what I’d have had to do. By myself. ICK!

I made it to the dealership and parked beside Mike’s car. Then I called him to find out where he was. (I told you I was directionally challenged!) We went inside and the salesman offered $50 for the old van. We laughed not because we thought it was too little, but because we were surprised they would give us anything in trade for it. It was that bad. Really.

The kids and I went to read magazines and eat popcorn. I did this on purpose, because somewhere in the last week or so I just started feeling REAL strong that I needed to leave absolutely everything to do with the van-shopping to Mike. Period. This was his do. So I was trying real hard to do my do. That is…keep out of the way and keep the kids in their place, as well.

I found 3 recipes I wanted to try in a magazine. Well, I found 2, Matthew found one. I copied them down.

Mike haggled. He hemmed and hawed when the financing wasn’t going the way he wanted. He called me in and asked me what I thought…they couldn’t get the payments lower than $300, and he hadn’t wanted to go that high. He thought we could, but he just didn’t like stretching that thin. I came *thisclose* to blowing everything right then. I sooooo totally did. Up until this point I had not one little inkling of cost. Not total, not payment. Nothing. Mike hadn’t said and I knew I wasn’t supposed to ask. God said. Not Mike…he’d have told me if I asked and not been upset at all at my asking, but I KNEW I wasn’t supposed to ask.

I have no idea if anyone caught the shock registering on my face, but I tried real, real bad to keep composed and not show that I was currently feeling this….

“WHAT?!?! ACKKKKKKKKKK!! THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH? ARE YOU NUTS?! TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY IS WHERE YOU’D RATHER DRAW THE LINE?!?! WE CAN’T AFFORD THAT! HOW DO WE SWING THAT?! NO WAY! Let’s go back to the $500-$2000 by-owners now, thank you very much. NOW!”

But I kid you not…I absolutely felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me “Careful! Leave it to Mike. Completely. Don’t give an opinion about anything. He needs to handle this.” And so instead I did this:

I put my hands up and said “Don’t ask me. You’re in charge of the budget. I’m in no hurry. I mean I don’t have to have a new car today. You want to go home and think about it, that’s fine. This is your deal, though.”

And so then Mike told the guy we’d just go home and he’d have to take another look at the budget and really think about it. The guy told him that was fine, but let him check on the other numbers before we left. Apparently they were still waiting on finance proposal from at least one bank.

So the dude took off and Mike followed me back to the waiting room and said something to me about he just didn’t know… I made my final suggestion then. “Pray about it.”

He left to wander back to the finance dude. I don’t have a clue whether he prayed or not. I just don’t know. But I totally felt like I had just done my do in this thing by suggesting it.

I admit, right about here I thought briefly, oh-no, it’s not gonna happen, we’re not gonna get it. *sigh* Oh well. You’d prayed the Lord would show Mike it wasn’t the right one if it wasn’t the one the Lord wanted for you, so if you don’t get it, it’s because it’s not the right one. Suck it up!

I went back to copying down recipes. At least in part because if I didn’t occupy myself with something I was going to think about that slick, new CD player-equipped van sitting outside, and I’d start getting excited and I didn’t want to get ahead of God.

Pretty soon the salesman went and drove the slick van away. Matt noticed and asked where he was taking my new van. I told him I didn’t know, but it wasn’t my van yet. Daddy hadn’t decided anything.

Several minutes later, salesman cam and asked for my keys again to the van. I gave them to him. He came back very quickly and then a little behind him Mike came by and told me the salesman would be wanting the keys to the van OFF the keychain shortly.

Oh-my-goodness-oh-my-goodness!

Then he came back by a little later and asked for the title to the van.

OH-MY-GOODNESS-OH-MY-GOODNESS!

And then the salesman and Mike both came back and they wanted the kids and I to go to some other office where I had to sign over the title to the old van! Apparently that finance proposal from the other bank along with a bit more price knock-down and a new offer of $100 trade-in (TOTALLY laughable! We so should have been paying them to take that sucker!) brought the payments to a place that Mike was comfortable with and he took it!

The new van is in Mike’s name and he’s been teasing me that it is his van and he’ll let me drive it if I’m real good. I don’t mind, because I know he’s teasing. And even if he weren’t. He is right, after all. He is the one that will we be earning the money to make the payments.

Mike did good, very good, truly!, but it was the Lord Jesus who answered these prayers in one fell swoop. Some very, very quickly…others that had been prayed months before…

• new van
• NEW van (hey 2003 with only 54,000 mi is definitely within the realm of what I meant by NEW)
• van like (another mom at church) in that it has 2 sliding doors and captain seats
• van that we won’t have to worry about breaking down all the time
• van with CD player
• Mike take the lead more
• wisdom and guidance for Mike in how to lead and take care of his family
• Matthew to pray on his own

Just recently the Lord answered a prayer of mine in such a way as to make it clear that He wants and intends to provide for me through my husband. This was a lesson I sorely needed, and actually one I’m still working on learning. For a long, long time I’ve been looking at God providing for me independently of Mike. Except of course for the whole paycheck automatically deposited in the account thing. I hadn’t really been looking/expecting the Lord to get Mike INVOLVED personally. I mean, I’d hoped, even prayed, but it just seemed too…”not gonna happen”. It seemed more plausible that one or the other of us would die, than it did that the Lord would actually maybe repair and even make better an actual-honest-to-goodness-biblical-marriage between US.

It’s happening. I can see the beginnings now. It’s taken me awhile to SEE them, because I just didn’t think that could be for ME. But I see little things here and there that show me that Mike is softening to the Lord and His leading. =)

Also? I’m so very glad that just the other day the Lord provided that excellent lesson of providing for me through my husband. I’m thankful for the timing of that lesson, because without it being so fresh, I absolutely (and in fact even still have had to stop and remember!) would have been duped into believing that this new van was really only a blessing…an answered prayer…for the kids. After all, it didn’t happen until after they prayed. It has 2 doors like Meagan asked for. It’s even the same color as (another mom at church)’s. And just Wednesday night, Pastor prayed that the Lord would show Matthew that He would bless him if he obeyed. So see? THEIR prayers…THEIR blessing. My prayers must mean nothing, since I prayed several times for a van over the last several months…true not as often as I should have….but many times…and it didn’t happen until the kids and the pastor (in a sense) started praying.

Ah! But the Lord JUST showed me that He plans to provide from me through my husband. Mike totally was working on doing that, here. I mean it was Mike that made the decision to look at new-er vans from dealers. Mike that went van-shopping, not me. It was Mike that brought a van home for me to test drive to be sure I could drive it (how sweet is that?!) and Mike that made the call on whether to sign up for payments on such a vehicle.

I’m so glad, too. I know if I had been in charge I wouldn’t have spent over $2000 and I would’ve had another clunker junker like last time. That’s exactly what happened last time. I made the decision to buy cheap. I shopped. I found one to focus on. I made the call to buy it. It was a disaster from the start. Transmission rebuilt in only 6mo, for a start. Plus all the problems below except the heater did work to start with.

Look what God did! He didn’t JUST answer prayers. He didn’t JUST provide a replacement van. He went above and beyond!

• I went from 1993 Plymouth Voyage to 2003 Chrysler Town and Country.
• No A/C or heater to BOTH and with 3 climate zones!
• Nasty, ickified, oil pourin’, smokin’ engine (it soaked a starter last year!) to the cleanest engine I’ve ever seen, with yellow-marked, easy-to-get-to fluid check thingys, and mechanic verified to be leak free
• Cramped back seat (that is after I purchased a separate back seat…it didn’t come with one) to roomy flip-down-to-make-room-for-groceries back seat
• Cramped mid seat to cushy captain seats with armrests
• interior lights that were non-functional to all interior lights work…including those on the visors!
• rear windshield wiper never worked to perfectly functioning…with soap even!
• rearview mirror that was always falling off to overhead console with average gas mileage, compass, temperature, distance traveled, and some other stuff too I think AND side mirrors that are power-adjust and have little inset mirrors that I’m not sure what they are for
• fallin apart seat upholstery to clean new-looking upholstery
• luggage rack
• CD PLAYER!!!
• power adjust seats
• power windows and locks
• power sliding doors AND hatch!
• one of those cool clicker keychains that unlock and even OPEN the doors for you (I’ve secretly wanted one for years!)
• headlights so dim they really were more of parking or fog lights to parking or fog lights on the middle knob setting and BRIGHT headlights (before even turning on the brights) on the right knob setting
• one of those step-up rails cause I’m short and that’s cool to not have to jump up!!
• speakers that cut in and out to lots of purty speakers that all work
• no spare to spare!
• Gas light on for 2 days to full tank of gas
• Clattering and knocking to quiet
• Rough and bumpy to oh-so-smooth
• no manual to owner’s manual AND maintenance log with little tear-out slips telling you what to have checked when. One of the slips is for 54,000 miles. When I pulled out at the dealership the odometer read 54,008. =)

And I KNOW I’m missing stuff. Oh, there’s a console with like cool locking compartments between the front seats…AND it comes up and moves between the captain seats if I want.

Also? No renting a car to go van-shopping in the metroplex. We won’t have to spend our spring break van-shopping!! Woohoo!! It was taken care of before the week even started! Full tank of gas, too. hehe

I’m so very, very glad I let Mike lead! We serve a great and wonderful God. The Lord is in the prayer-answerin’ AND expectation-surpassin’ business!

Lesson learned? God wants more and better for me than I do. So does my husband (I think truly a bigger shock!) My husband is better suited to being in control of the budget simply because he does take more risks. As long as the Lord is leading, those risks are not really risks at all, but I just can’t make myself step out of that comfort zone. Also? God really is workin’ on the kids, and they really are listenin’.

Here’s another quick case of me being sure something was a bad thing, but then finding out it was an answered prayer…

Tonight Meagan (of her own volition!!) sat with Matthew and me at church. =) Pastor asked for testimonials, so I of course had to share the Lord’s super-speedy answer to our BIG prayer. Since Meagan was sitting with me, I thought I’d take both kids to the altar to tell the Lord thank you. Invitation came and I asked both kids to go down to the altar with me. Both kids were resisting, saying no they didn’t want to. I told them I wanted us to all go and tell God thank you. They BOTH said “I already did”. As the invitation went on, I thought, “Man, we’re not going down, how is this gonna look? The pastor, his wife, probably the whole church is expecting it. ”

Almost immediately I thought, “You’re letting what other people may or may not think of you take control again. You’re not supposed to please man, but God instead.” So I tried to quit thinking so negatively.

The thought occured to me that we had prayed together…but separetely for the van and now we were praying together but separately to thank the Lord for it. Also, He had answered those prayers together…yet separately. We all prayed for a van, but we prayed different specifics. I prayed for reliability, wisdom and guidance for MIKE in what to do about replacing the van (i.e. how, where to look, how much to spend, etc), and a CD player. Meagan prayed for silver color, captain chairs, and 2 sliding doors. Matthew prayed for a new one (by this he was thinking ‘new’ as in…goodies and working goodies at that… year models mean nothing to the kids, as we consider anything later than 93-97 range ‘new’). The Lord answered each of those. Our combined prayer, AND our individual ones. Because He’s God, and that’s what He does. =)

Almost immediately after that, I thought, “hey! We’re not supposed to go down together right now about this. This is how He’s showing me a prayer answered…MY prayer answered…not the kids. He is listening to ME, too, He really is and He wants me to see that and be certain! I prayed that Matthew would start praying…that the Holy Spirit would remind him to pray and help him pray. He just told me that he had already told God thank you! I hadn’t reminded him! Also, I’ve prayed Meagan would sit with me and WANT to sit with, and she is…on her own! Everything really is going to be ok.”

Now I’m trying so hard to just hang on to that thought and not follow it with… “Why now? Do I really need pumped up because something bad is about to happen?”

I’m trying. I am. This is a recurring issue with me, this always expecting a horrible something must follow great blessings. I think part of this was fueled by WAY too much Hollywood for WAY too many years. In the movies that’s what happens. Lots of good building up to the big whammo! Pray for me, please.

Also pray for Mike. He is talking now, (again, but first time in years), about quitting smoking. =)

God is good. God is faithful. God answers BIG prayers and little prayers! God is bigger than every one of our problems and already has them all solved for us, if we’ll just be patient and listen!

A couple of pictures of the new perfect-for-us van that God picked out off the dealer website…I’ll post MY pics once I get them on the puter…

The dash. Look at all the controls and stuffs!

When we pulled into the driveway, just before we got out to go in the house, Matthew said from the back, “Mom, God just majorally blessed us.”

I couldn’t have put it better myself, kiddo! He certainly did!

Posted: March 17th, 2008 under faith, just life, kids, lettin' hubby lead, the changing me.
Comments: none

Meagan brought home her report card (all As!!) and two ribbons from her Christian Skills Meet this week. She entered four categories: Science - Astronomical, Posters, Chess, and Needlework. She placed 2nd in the first and the last! =) I was shocked, though. Not because my gal isn’t capable of good work, but because truth be told she didn’t put much time or effort AT ALL into any of her entries. Honestly? The most I can say is that she did actually finish the tea towel after screamin’ and hollerin’ and promisin’ she wasn’t gonna. She switched color shades 2 or 3 times because she “couldn’t find the one (she’d) been using”.

Still, she fulfilled her obligations. She got everything done she said she would…just NOT to the best of her ability…we’re still working on giving everything your all instead of just half-doing things. The poster was especially pitiful. She penciled a couple of stick figures, cut some scraps of fabric for their dress and skirt/blouse and glue those on and was finished.

And the science project? A styrofoam store-bought kit of the solar system. She painted them, cut the wires, poked the wires into the styrofoam and was done. Two days after bringing it home it was a goner. Mangled planets hanging from their bent orbits.

The ones she spent some time on and tried to do well placed second. The poster she slapped together in a fit of “mad-at-mom-cause-she’s-making-me-do-this-since-I-signed-up-to-do-it” didn’t even get an honorable mention.

She has two new ribbons for her bulletin board and a lesson about doing things halfway learned, now. At least I hope lesson learned… Oh, and the tea towel with the American flag is going in her hope chest, she says. It really does look pretty good for having different shades of floss in it. =)

More Meagan bragging…twice in the last week she has brought out projects of her own accord to start working on. Meagan has “issues” with doing anything remotely time-consuming or requiring her to sit and focus. She’d much rather go and run around outside or flitter from one toy or book to another. She’s my butterfly-gal that way. She doesn’t sit still or work on anything for long. She has craft kits and art supplies and so forth. She just never takes them out. They just sit. Well this week she pulled out a jewelry kit and made a pair of earrings and a bracelet for a friend, and then after watching me work on a crochet project, she brought out some sewing patterns for making small stuffed animals (just 2 pieces sew together, nothing complicated), and set about finding some fabric. She wanted to make a toy for the new baby, too! Ok, so that’s as far as that project has gone so far, but she DID get the earrings and bracelet finished and delivered. =)

In Matthew news, he started going off in a tiff yesterday about figuring some mileage for a history assignment. (Typical…some little bitty something gets blown up into major screaming, slamming, running off, defiance, throwing, etc fit.) He managed to keep himself restrained enough that he didn’t run-off out of the house (he stood at the open door once, but didn’t take off), and didn’t ever breakdown into outright yelling or throwing. It still took a couple of hours to shake the bad attitude, but….he did. In the blink of an eye. In fact after he (nicely, too!) said he was sorry for acting the way he did, he said “I was trying to hold it in a little bit longer, but it just came out”. Praise the Lord! Because I know good and well that was Jesus helping him to apologize and be good. This is huge because A) it’s the first time Matthew has totally spontaneously apologized for his behavior, always before there has been a reminder to do so shortly before the apology, and mostly several minutes of reiterating that he needs to and until he does no _____. B) Matthew has been telling me for months that Jesus won’t help him. That he’s asked and Jesus just won’t help him be good and obey. That God doesn’t love him and so He won’t help him.

Yes, I’ve been combatting that train of thought as best I can every time it comes up. I just keep telling him over and over to not give up, Jesus does love him, Jesus wants to help him but Matthew has to let Him, ask again and again and again if that’s what it takes because Jesus has promised to help us, etc.

Right now he’s still playing Zelda after being told to get off, so we’ve obviously not had a complete 180. That’s ok, though. I didn’t expect one. I’m just proud that he made it through his fit yesterday only losing the one sticker (for “not arguing”) instead of four (”not arguing”, “no yelling”, “no running off”, “no throwing”).

And a double brag. My sweet children didn’t argue once about helping me pick up the living room last night so we could watch a movie. Nor did they argue once when the movie was over and I told them to get ready for bed. They didn’t even bicker between themselves ONCE!

I love these rare moments of sibling harmony! I have two beautiful children and I love watching them grow and learn. I wish I was better at the mommy-stuff for their sakes, but I am so glad I get to be their mommy nevertheless!

Posted: March 15th, 2008 under Matthew, Meagan, just life, kids.
Comments: none

*note to whomever may be concerned*- My kids are only allowed to read select entries on this here blog o’ mine. For reasons which will probably become clear very shortly, this is not one of them. *end note to concerned parties*

I need to get this out and then quit worrying about it. Because worrying serves no greater good. Besides, it won’t change anything anyway.

Matthew has been really doing the behavior problem thing the last 2-3 weeks. Or more. Or whatever. He’ll do ok for awhile, and then get worse.

I am SO trying to be a better wife and mom. Granted I’m well aware I can’t do it on my own, so I’ve been praying and asking God to help me do better and be better for awhile now. A long, long while. More than just a few weeks, let’s say. Anyhow. I only offer that up because I want to be clear that I know I can’t do anything without the Lord’s help. I know I am nothing without Him. I know it, and so while I am trying to do and say the right things more often, I know that any and all change in me comes from Him. All good things come from Him, after all.

So I’m trying to figure out what I am still not learning here…

I’ve been working consciously on building Mike up for his own benefit and also the kids. What I mean is I’ve been trying to work at making an effort to voice that he is in charge around here, that what he says goes, that he makes the decisions, etc….AND that I will stick by them. Not just so he will know I will follow him and be better at trusting and obeying, but also so the kids will see that AND will start following and obeying as well.

So basically, in a nutshell, I’m really working at trying to get our home and family in line with what God wants for us. Part of that is absolutely stepping back and waiting and praying for Mike to step up and take over in certain areas. Part of that is also recognizing (and acting in accord to) the fact that it’s not my job to line everything up, but God’s. That HE is in charge and that HE will get things re-aligned and fixed. In fact, HE is the only One who can. I can’t do it. It’s going to take God.

At the same time, though, I can’t just sit back and do absolutely nothing to help. I can’t just sit by and change nothing. Why not? Because that’s not right. God doesn’t want me to do that, either. I AM supposed to help…in a sense. What I mean is, there are things that *I* need to change, or that I can change. My attitude, my talk patterns, my actions and reactions, etc. Those are the things God has put me in charge of re-aligning (with His help, of course!)

Those are the things I am speaking of when I say I am trying so hard to get our home and family in line with what God wants. I don’t mean that I am trying to take over for God…or my husband. Completely the opposite, in fact.

The nuts and bolts, nitty gritty, day-to-day, practical ways of making the change I need to make and of doing my part is where I am needing the help and seem to be getting confused or at the very least worrying far too much. Here’s the most recent stupid worry. It has to do with Matthew (knew we’d get back to that, didn’t ya?)

God says in the bible, “Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1) and “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 5:16)

These are the two verses our pastor pointed out to Matthew tonight when he talked to him after church. I had mentioned to our pastor’s wife that we wouldn’t be going to ladies visitation tomorrow because Matthew seems to think it’s fun and games and he can act however poorly he wants and then still get what he wants (fun and games) anyway, so we wouldn’t be going. Well, she asked how he’d been (this is not a new topic or problem or whatever…), so I filled her in SUPER briefly, and she suggested the pastor talk to him again. (I told you it wasn’t a new thing….*sigh*)

Pastor also told him that we reap what we sow, so if he didn’t straighten up he might very well go on to be an adult with lots of problems (uh, yeah, like JAIL!) and with kids who don’t obey him, and then asked him if he’d like that. Of course not, he says. So basically the talk was going beautifully…truly…except…I suddenly felt picked at and blamed.

Oh why, oh why does this bother me so? Easy. Because it’s oh-so-true. If you knew me before about age 18 you wouldn’t bother to ask.

“Honor thy father and thy mother” meant nothing to me growing up…except of course as something written in some obscure fairytale book somewhere that my mom or dad would occasionally “throw in my face”. (That was my attitude…not proud of it, but there it is.) I remember my (step)dad telling me a couple of times in the heat of the moment sotospeak that if people didn’t, they died. Or at least it went something like that. That was the way I heard it and remembered it, but it TOTALLY came across to me like something he was making up to scare me, and by golly I wasn’t going to be scared by the likes of him. Wasn’t I a regular peach?

So you can imagine my surprise when years later I actually read the actual, real live words and saw what it actually said.

Now. I tend to overdramatize and ummmm, well, worry about everything. It’s a fault. Totally. I’m way too intense. In a not-good way. It can be a good thing, but mostly I don’t have practice with that yet…mostly I’m good at using this intensity to totally freak myself out and wear myself down…or else drive everyone else around me as batty as I am!

Ok, now think about that for a minute. Can you see where I’m headed? No? Ok, I’ll spell it out. My stupid intensity drives me to hyper-focus on this: “YOU WERE A PUNK TOWARDS YOUR PARENTS. YOU TOTALLY DID NOT OBEY THEM. YOU TOTALLY REBELLED AS OFTEN AND AS HARD AS YOU COULD. YOU GREW UP AND NOW HAVE A KID WHO WILL TOTALLY NEVER OBEY YOU EITHER. AND ALSO? NOW YOU WILL DIE. AND ALSO? THAT MEANS YOUR KID WILL DIE YOUNG TOO CAUSE HE WON’T OBEY AND SO BASICALLY? YOUR WHOLE LINEAGE IS TOTALLY DOOMED AND IT’S SO TOTALLY YOUR FAULT AND YOU SCREWED UP AND IT’S TOO LATE YOU CAN’T FIX IT AND ALSO? YOU ARE AS GOOD AS DEAD, EVEN IF THERE MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOUR KIDS. BASICALLY? YOU SCREWED YOURSELF OUT OF BEING ALLOWED TO WATCH YOUR KIDS GROW UP AND SO FORTH.”

There. I said it. THAT is what started pumping through my stupid hyper-focusing, over-dramatizing, worry-wart, melancholic, intense, probably even depressed possibly even because of an actual medical problem mind. And oh? Also, that whole medical problem thing? Totally feeds into the whole freak-out thing, because, well…DUH! If I’m SICK in any way, doesn’t that just prove the whole I’m dying thing?

WHAT is it I’m not learning yet? There’s something there. Cause see, the thing is I know that I am forgiven. Period. Done deal. I know that we all (forgiven or not) have to deal with unpleasant side-effects of consequences of our sins and transgressions. Understood. Obvious, even. Otherwise after salvation no child (or adult) would ever feel pain or suffer ill effects after touching something hot even after being told not to. (Disobedience=sin) At the same time, though, we can be forgiven for disobeying.

I disobeyed. Repeatedly. I still do. Because I am a sinner, saved by grace, but still a sinner. I mess up. Repeatedly. I am forgiven, though. And I am trying to learn and do better as I know better. (Ever heard that?… We do what we know and when we know better, we do better…?? Where did I hear that? It is so true!)

I came home feeling all kinds of defeated and at fault and to blame. I still do, kinda. That’s just the truth. Why?? I mean should I? I think not, but I can’t seem to find a reason not to. Besides these that is….

• I am forgiven
• Jesus said He came not to condemn but to bring life and that more abundantly
• God promises to help us, this would include raising our kids
• all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord
• I am not the only influence on my kids, not to mention I don’t physically move their arms to throw the shoes at myself, so it logically can’t be all my fault
• I am trying to do better as I know better and I’m trying to know better by learning. Because that’s what God says I should do…learn better so I can know better so I can do better.
• I’m not the only person on the planet. By this I mean, while I was and AM a wretched sinner, I’m NOT the only one, so I’m not the only one who has helped mold this kid. How backwards prideful would that be to think I was…which in a sense is what I start doing…trying to take on all the responsibilities and failures and sins of others around me.
• Along the same lines…I’m not the only rebellious kid/teen in the world either. I was wrong, yes. God would be just in ‘taking me out’ right now, yes. I’m not the only one who has gone on to be saved and try and change their ways and live for God, either. Could God end my life rightnow? Yes. Would He be just to do so? Sure! Will He? Only He knows and THAT is where I need to leave it. He doesn’t specify what “that thy days may be prolonged” means. I’m not so special that I would be the only born-again rebellious teen to live past 30, but I’m not so special that my rebellious, dishonoring years were so much worse than other people’s either. So it’s actually prideful of me to think that regardless of whether or not there are other people out there who totally blew the whole ‘honor thy father and mother’ thing and then got saved and saw how awful that was and repented of it and went on to live as God-fearing Christians into their 60s or 70s or whatever, I am WAY worse and so must die way sooner. Backwards pride, maybe, but that’s still what it is.

Soooo… my part. Gotta figure out my part, my role, my job, my duty, my responsibility…and do that, and that only. Don’t take on other parts, roles, jobs, duties, responsibilities, etc. And also? Don’t WORRY about those of other’s. That might even be the bigger task. This is where the hubby comes back in. (You thought I’d forgotten all about that train of thought, huh? NOPE!)

I’ve been totally trying to get across (for a super long time) to Mike that I NEED his help with the kids…Matthew in particular. Meagan is not headed for jail or a cathouse. (I don’t think!) Matthew? I’m not so sure. =/ Meagan and I do not have a real close relationship as I’d like for us to have, and that bothers me, and she’s far from perfect, but I’m not worried about her turning out a horrible person. Matthew? I’m outta my league. I absolutely don’t know what else to do to get through to him. The only way I can get him to get back in the house during one of his tirades is to threaten to call the cops. Yes, we spank. Oh yes. And yes I’ve done that…and time-outs, groundings, sentence writing, rewards for GOOD behavior, incentive, etc. I’ve tried everything I know to try and then some with this kid. Again and again and again.

I’ve come to the conclusion over the last 2-3 years that the biggest problem in my techniques is that they’re MINE. That is…it’s me, mom. He’s him, a boy child. Yes, I think that does make a difference. Yes, gender does play a role in raising children and disciplining them. At least to a certain extent. Even those who are all about equality between the sexes and letting little Johnny have a doll and Sally have a toy gun agree that it’s a good thing for a young boy to have a good male role model. THIS is what I mean.

Now I’m not saying Matthew doesn’t have one. What I’m saying is this: I have come to the conclusion that one of the biggest things missing is discipline from a man. Someone other than mom. Mom can’t be a one-mom show. Mom’s been trying that. Doing that for years now. AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN! God didn’t say for me to. In fact it’s wrong for me to do that, but I’ve been doing it just the same. =( I kinda took over, see. I assumed I knew better than Mike about how to raise kids (my little brothers were my experience I figured…and Mike had never really been around any) and so each new thing kinda became MINE to do.

I fed them. I changed them. I bathed them. I burped them. I dressed them. I shopped for them. I taught them. I disciplined them. Mike? Mostly he left it all to me. Not totally his fault, either, let me tell you! I was horrible about telling him he was doing stuff wrong or making him feel stupid for not knowing _____. I’m still working on fixing this, by the way. I’m NOT perfect…did I mention that?

So, I’ve been trying to bite back my prideful, controlling ways and LET Mike lead. I talked about that before. Problem is…there are some areas he’s not exactly been keen or quick to take the lead. Some areas he never really did. (He’s not perfect, either, after all.) So here I am begging for help with disciplining our son, because, well, because I need it. Because Matthew needs it. Because he’s a guy and I’m not. I never wanted a “mama’s boy”. I wanted a son, sure, but I wanted him and his daddy to do stuff. I wanted his daddy to teach him about being a guy…cause I can’t. THAT’S what is missing. The kid’s 9 and he’s not stupid. He sees that things are a little lacking in this department.

So what’s MY part? How do I go about getting Mike to step up? In fact, should I? Wouldn’t that be manipulating??? If I DO something to GET Mike to step up, I mean…. On the other hand, if I do nothing, then I’m failing at my job of trying to do all I can to help my husband and children.

Which leads us to pastor’s office. How you ask? Well… Matthew’s ever-increasing pushing-behavior. Yelling, throwing, rebelling, yaddayaddaetc. Ok. Mike told me last week to wake him up when Matt starts to head downhill so that maybe he can talk some sense into him before it gets so bad we have to spank. So I went and woke him up. Matt climbed out a window and started mocking his father, ringing the doorbell and taunting and generally talking-back. Mike did nothing.

Oh-my-goodness!-did-I-ever-have-a-time! I did only ‘ok’. I was fixing dinner and I tried so bad to just leave it to Mike. I knew WHY Mike was not chasing him to spank him. I knew WHY he was just sitting there doing nothing. But I didn’t know if it was right or not. Mike knew he would have physical problems chasing and catching Matthew, so he wasn’t going to chase him. He was going to spank him whenever Matthew finally decided to come back in the house. Ok, but in the meantime Matthew is TOTALLY controlling the situation and ruling the roost! BIG TIME! I tried to leave it, but that thought kept nagging. So I said as much to Mike. NICELY…honest. Something like “He’s in control right now…or at least he thinks he is. I know you don’t want to chase him, but he’s thinking he’s getting away with something. He thinks he can run outside and be safe and you won’t do anything about it. We can’t let him run the ship…”

See how nice I was? I mean I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t tell him he was wrong…and yet I wasn’t JUST trusting either. =( I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have said what I did at all, because basically it was like telling Mike he didn’t know what he was doing. Thing is…I was worried…again….still…a lot. I didn’t know the right way to handle it, but I wasn’t sure Mike did either. In fact, he said as much…a lot. Exasperatedly! He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to get through to him, etc.

That’s a frequent conversation around here, too. Me saying I don’t know what to do….what do I do? What do you want me to do with him? etc and Mike saying I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know what to do. You want me to make a decision, but out of what 2 choices? I don’t know and I have no clue? Ok, I pick I have no clue. I’m open for suggestions. etc..

Here’s where the pastor’s office comes in. Even though I’m TOTALLY trying to leave the whole discipline decision-making to Mike, because he is supposed to lead, I do think I should do what I can where I can. One place I can avail myself of some knowledge and help is church. When the opportunity presented itself…I took it. I don’t think that was overstepping Mike’s place, do you? Especially considering the fact that Mike told me to take Matthew to church tonight regardless of him protesting that he didn’t want to go…along with his statements of if we could afford it, he’d look into pyschological/pyschiatric help for Matthew and he was open to suggestions because he doesn’t know what to do.

So what’s next? I have no clue. haha! (Notice my tagline reads “I like simplicity“?? Now you know why…because I have so little of it in my life!) Pastor prayed for Matthew, and then offered him a deal. A fishing trip if he gets a good behavior report at the end of next month. He even marked it on his calendar to ask about it!

Want to know something else really, really COOL?!

Tonight’s sermon was on prayer…praying BIG prayers, but praying them right. Pastor talked about the woman who asked Jesus to heal her demon-possessed (NO, I don’t think Matthew is possessed…don’t even go there!) daughter, and how Jesus at first didn’t answer her (seemingly ignored!) then rebuked her before she finally got the help she sought. After being rebuked, she worshipped Him. Then she fell at His feet seeking mercy and grace. He answered with “great is thy faith” and healed her daughter. During the sermon, besides thinking about the sermon itself and it’s application in my life, I was also thinking about Matthew and his behavior. I prayed that God would please help Matthew to obey, to want to obey (not new prayers, by the way…just again…), and to please give him the strength and whatever else he needed to do so.

I do think there was a prayer answered tonight…or at least very possibly so. That fishing trip just might be the motivator Matthew needs. It’s certainly a special something…totally unique and different from anything else we’ve tried. Also, it’s a good male role model kind of a thing. ALSO? Last year Matthew totally wanted to go on the Father/Son overnight fishing trip, but Mike couldn’t get off work (and truth be told probably would not have gone anyway) so he was all set to go with a “sub”, but it didn’t work out.

So, let’s see…not new prayers…prayers I’ve prayed again and again and SEEMINGLY GOT NO ANSWER. Then I totally got rebuked. You reap what you sow…grow up and have kids that don’t obey you. Totally. Know what though? I absolutely ain’t givin’ up. Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the Master’s table! I know God is great, God is mighty, God is capable of anything and everything. He is in control and He is worthy or praise and worship no matter what happens down here. Whether I live or die. Whether Mike leads or not. Whether Matthew obeys or not. God is God! He is holy and perfect and justified in doing whatever He sees fit to do. If the Lord Jesus Christ steps in and intervenes, things will be fine. Regardless of whether Matthew gets his fishing trip or not.

Is my faith great? I’d like to think so, but I am not the one to judge it great or not. That is up to the Lord. I know it’s not as great as I’d like it to be. Nowhere near as great as I’d like it to be! If it were I wouldn’t be so easily duped into wondering if/thinking God is against me and wants to do me harm. If it were that thought would not even get a second glance.
I think, though, that it just might be growing a little here.

Lessons learned today?

• I am still not totally trusting the discipline to Mike. Need to work on keeping mouth COMPLETELY shut, the WHOLE time
• my mind is quick to grab a negative threatening thought against myself and run with it. This is not news…just further reminding that I have bad habits in the whole self-worth area that need crackin’!
• I need to get back to praying for some things that I’d quit praying about.
• I need to pray bigger and more often.
• I need to relax, rest, and just trust in Jesus to take care of me. Period.
• I need more practical advice (and practice) on what bits are mine to take care of and what bits I should leave to others.
• I need more practical (i.e. specifics) advice on how to best help my hubby in terms of getting our roles/places re-aligned God’s way…without stepping on his toes by demanding he do so

Posted: March 13th, 2008 under Matthew, faith, lettin' hubby lead, the changing me.
Comments: none